Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2010 - Eastern Conference Semifinals

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (8) Montreal Canadiens

Wow. What an unreal couple weeks, huh? It would seem that, impossibly, the Penguins have a clear path to a third straight Eastern Conference title, what with the Caps, Devils and Sabres pulling off the choke trifecta in the first round. The waters have parted, and a third straight trip to the finals lies, however infeasibly, just ahead...but this is the playoff, so no way is it a walk in the park.

First the Penguins need to get past the Canadiens and suddenly-stellar goaltender Jaroslav Halak, who absolutely slammed the door on Washington's terrifying offense in games 5, 6 and 7 to stun the Caps and take the series. One would have to imagine that the Habs can't possibly have lightning strike twice and steal another series...but if I'd been doing this in 1996 I woulda said the same thing about John Vanbiesbrouck and the Florida Panthers, and we all know how that turned out. If Halak is still human, the Pens should win relatively easy. Penguins in five.



(6) Boston Bruins vs. (7) Philadelphia Flyers

I gotta be honest, I have no feel for this rematch of the Winter Classic, outside of stunned disbelief that it's even happening. If this is a regular season game on NBC on a Sunday afternoon, I probably volunteer to tag along with my wife on a trip to Barnes & Noble...just zero interest. But a playoff matchup is a different story entirely, and you gotta figure we'll see some pretty tight games. In the end, though, I have a nagging feeling that Philly won't be able to overcome injuries to scorers Jeff Carter and Simon Gagne, and that Brian Boucher is due for a return to planet Earth. And speaking of goalies and planets, doesn't the name of Boston netminder Tuukka Rask sound like the name of one of those STAR WARS characters that's onscreen for like .002 seconds, but you don't find out his actual name 'til they put out an action figure of him? I'll go with Bruins in seven.



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Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2010 - Western Conference Semifinals

(1) San Jose Sharks vs. (5) Detroit Red Wings

I simply cannot tell you how sick I am of drawing pictures of girls in Red Wing jerseys. I am as tired of it as I am excited about drawing girls in Pens sweaters. Every year, every round, there they are...as inescapable as death itself. Plus, the fact that they play in Detroit means that no one will ever have the scratch to buy any of the original art. For me, it's a lose-lose situation.

Still, picking the Sharks to win would be an inexcusable affront to whatever feeble claim on journalistic integrity I have. I know they're going to choke, you know they're going to choke...hell, I'm sure even they know they're going to choke. It kills me to admit and I'd love to see San Jose prove me wrong, but you can't fight fate. Red Wings in six.



(2) Chicago Blackhawks vs. (3) Vancouver Canucks

A few weeks back, maybe mid-March, I was about halfway through a five-mile run, and a weird premonition of the Penguins and Canucks popped into my head. As the season wound down, it looked less and less likely, and kinda fell to the back of my consciousness...but with all the wacky events of the past week, the scenario, while still highly unlikely, now at least approaches the realm of possibility.

I'm also a little down on the Blackhawks...they've traditionally been among the small group of teams I don't hate, and in fact root for when my horse isn't in the race. But they've got the stink of Hossa on 'em this year, which I'd kinda forgotten about until he Ovechkined Nashville's Dan Hamhius last weekend. Dude is such a turd. As amazing and satisfying as it'd be to watch him lose in the Stanley Cup Finals for a third straight year, I'm afraid that with many of the East's top seeds having choked in the first round that if the Hawks make it that far he might actually lift The Cup. *shudder* It's too gross an image to consider.

Anyway, it's kind of a toss-up, but I'm thinking Luongo and the Sedin-bots will get it done. Canucks in seven.



CRASS COMMERCIALISM DEPT: All of the original, hand-drawn art for the Stanley Cup pinup girls is available at my Etsy store...and if you'd like to go the extra mile and get a personalized, one-of-a-kind uni-girl illustration of your very own to your exact specifications, that information can be found here.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2010 - Western Conference Quarterfinals

Today we finish up the first round of the playoffs with our Western Conference picks. Yesterday's Eastern Conference picks can be peeped here.

(1) San Jose Sharks vs. (8) Colorado Avalanche

I got an email the other day. It was written last April, and it was from myself, arranged to be sent to me the first week of April, 2010. It said "DON'T PICK THE SHARKS!".

And yet, here I go again.

It's different this time, though...last year, the Sharks lost to a Ducks team that had scratched and clawed to get into the playoffs over the last few weeks of the season, while San Jose cruised to the President's Trophy. They were ripe for the picking. This year, they face an Avalanche squad that is backsliding, desperate, and hanging on by it's fingernails. They've made a valiant run all season, but the clock is about to strike midnight. There's no way to expect this gritty group of youngsters to overcome all the Sharks' firepower At least, that's what I'll tell myself when Colorado sends San Jose packing. Why do I never learn? Sharks in six.



(2) Chicago Blackhawks vs. (7) Nashville Predators

The young Blackhawks were ahead of schedule last season, reaching the Western Conference finals before losing to the Red Wings, and despite multiple attempts to jinx their team with premature celebratory wall murals and t-shirts, the teams seems poised to take the next step. On the other side of the ledger are the Predators, who always seem to be in the mix but never much of a threat to actually go anywhere. The people of Chicago seem to believe. Do the Hawks? Blackhawks in five.



(3) Vancouver Canucks vs. (6) Los Angeles Kings

A few weeks back, I had a vision of Vancouver and Pittsburgh in the Stanley Cup Finals. A lot less sure about that matchup now. The Canucks seem to have it all going for them, but for some reason I feel like the Kings can pull off the win in a long series here, for several reasons: They have "The Piece", Rob Scuderi. I have to pick at least one true upset. And, I find those Sedin twins so goddamn creepy. Kings in seven.



(4) Phoenix Coyotes vs. (5) Detroit Red Wings

Wow, is there a better story in the NHL this year than the success of the Coyotes? They went from being unsure if they'd even be playing in Phoenix to notching 100+ points and making the playoffs for the first time in 8 years. Unfortunately, like many great stories, it's far better on paper than on film, as anyone who's sat through a Coyotes game this season can attest. They play a style even more boring than the Red Wings', which is no small feat. That the teams are scheduled to play two nationally-televised first-round games on NBC oughta squeeze that last bit of interest out of the Gold Medal game balloon. Ambien on ice. Red Wings in six.



CRASS COMMERCIALISM DEPT: All of the original, hand-drawn art for the Stanley Cup pinup girls is available at my Etsy store...and if you'd like to go the extra mile and get a personalized, one-of-a-kind uni-girl illustration of your very own to your exact specifications, that information can be found here.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2010 - Eastern Conference Quarterfinals

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (8) Montreal Canadiens

As much as I might like to think that a return to Montreal to play his old team will get in Jose Theodore's head and cause him to lose his shit, there's no way the Capitals don't win this series. The Habs are going nowhere...if the season lasted another week, their spot in the playoffs would no doubt be claimed by the Rangers. Besides, an early Caps exit would deny the world another Washington/Pittsburgh playoff matchup and an eighth Penguins victory. No way Gary Bettman is letting that happen. Capitals in five.



(2) New Jersey Devils vs. (7) Philadelphia Flyers

This one seems like a no-brainer until you consider that the Devils, despite their fine record, managed only one win in six tries against the Flyers this year. For whatever reason, Philly has had New Jersey's number. I think that changes in this series. Best Goalie Of All Time or not, Martin Brodeur has been outplayed, frankly, in the playoffs the last couple years. However, I simply can't believe that Brian Boucher will be able to duplicate the success that Henrik Lundqvist and Cam Ward had in 2008 and 2009. It'll be a long, tough series, but it'll ultimately be a win for the Devils in seven.



(3) Buffalo Sabres vs. (6) Boston Bruins

U.S. Olympic hero Ryan Miller and the Sabres against a Boston team who've been fighting just to cling to a playoff spot the last two months. The Sabres have quietly put together a very impressive season, and may well prove to be the ultimate fly in the ointment for some unlucky Eastern Conference team before it's all said and done. Boston has struggled all season to score goals, so unless Miller has an epic meltdown, this one oughta be over quick. Sabres in five.



(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (5) Ottawa Senators

These guys again? This'll be the third time the Pens and Sens have faced off in the first round in the last four years. The overall score stands at 1-1, and though neither of those series was close, this one definitely promises to be. Both teams have been up and down all season: The Senators have had long losing and winning streaks, while the Penguins have been in win two, lose one, win two, lose one mode since the beginning of December. If I'm being perfectly honest with you, I'll admit that playing the Sens in the first round scares the shit outta me...in fact, logic almost dictates that I pick them to win it. But, with all the thrills and joy the Pens have provided over the past two seasons, there's no way I'm giving up on them now...So, in the words of Bud Brigman, "FUCK LOGIC!" Penguins in six.



CRASS COMMERCIALISM DEPT: All of the original, hand-drawn art for the Stanley Cup pinup girls is available at my Etsy store...and if you'd like to go the extra mile and get a personalized, one-of-a-kind uni-girl illustration of your very own to your exact specifications, that information can be found here.

Stanley Cup and Cheesecake 2008

My Stanley Cup Playoff picks didn't exactly set the world on fire in terms of debate and comments last April, but they were a lot of fun to do! So, here's this year's serving of hockey picks and cheesecake!

Also, I should note that my Stanley Cup Finals prediction of Sharks vs. Penguins, made on video last October as the season was just getting underway and both teams were in the tank, is looking mighty smart now, if all the experts are to be believed.



(1) Montreal Canadiens vs. (8) Boston Bruins

The Habs owned the Bruins all year, going a perfect 8-0 against them in the season series. And Montreal dominated those games, outscoring Boston 39-16. They might win a game, I can't see a way Boston avoids getting steamrolled. Which, since they're from Boston, I would find hilarious. Canadiens in five.



(2) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (7) Ottawa Senators

These teams meet again in the first round for the second straight year. Last year I underestimated the veteran Sens, and they went out and thrashed the Pens in five games on the way to the finals where they lost to the Ducks. This is a different Ottawa team, however, almost choked their way out of the playoffs entirely after an amazing start to the season. Their best player is hurt, they've got one goalie who's a nutjob and another who's not very good, and are generally going in the wrong direction. Conversely, the young Penguins have weathered their first playoffs and the disappointment that comes with losing, are finally healthy and and are getting spectacular play from netminder Marc-Andre Fleury. You'd think I would have learned some humility after picking the Pens in six last April and being completely wrong, but I'm going to fly in the face of superstition and pick the Penguins in five.



(3) Washington Capitals vs. (6) Philadelphia Flyers

This is a toughie, as both of these teams were on the outside of the playoffs looking in just a short while ago. The Capitals are flying high right now, wresting the division title from the Carolina Hurricanes in their final game of the season, while the Flyers rebounded from being the worst team in the NHL last year. Washington has all-everything superstar Alex Ovechkin, while Philly has a lot of no-names whose game plan is to break the ankles of the other teams best player. Trouble is, sometimes it actually works. I'm not gonna lie to you...I hate both these teams...but I hate the Caps a lot less, so I'm gonna pick them to win it. Capitals in seven.



(4) New Jersey Devils vs. (5) New York Rangers

If you're having trouble sleeping, why not skip the Ambien and tune into this series, which promises to be a complete snooze. Both teams have great goaltenders, play stiff, choking defence, and can't score for shit. The Rangers won seven of eight games against the Devils this season, but unlike the Canadiens/Bruins matchups, the games were very close, with several having to be decided in overtime. I give the nod to New York 'cause they have more ex-Penguins, and because they're just slightly less horrid offensively than New Jersey. Rangers in six.









(1) Detroit Red Wings vs. (8) Nashville Predators

This one might not be the cakewalk it appears to be for the Red Wings, who amassed more points than any other team this season. Nashville is in the same division as the Wings, and played them tough in eight regular-season meetings. In the end, though, I expect Detroit's star-studded lineup to win out. Also, if the Preds win, chances improve that I'll have to hear someone use the exceedingly annoying term "Nash Vegas". Red Wings in six.



(2) San Jose Sharks vs. (7) Calgary Flames

It sucks having my two favorite Western Conference teams meet up in the first round, as it means one of them will be eliminated early...but it oughta be awfully entertaining while it lasts. Cal-gary's good, but the Sharks are on an absolute tear, having won something like 19 of their last 20. I don't think the Flames can keep up. Sharks in six.



(3) Minnesota Wild vs. (6) Colorado Avalanche

The only two teams in the playoffs with singular names face off in what figures to be a pretty even series. That's what I've read, anyway...I've only seen maybe one period of a Wild or Avs game all season. I've gone back and forth several times just while writing this paragraph, but I think I'll go with the Avalanche- no, the Wild in seven.




(4) Anaheim Ducks vs. (5) Dallas Stars

I don't really care much for the Dallas Stars...in fact, I have problems with the whole concept of Texas. But I flatly refuse to draw those lameass, shitass Ducks jerseys. They actually redesigned them over the summer to fit the new RBK Edge jersey template...and this is all they came up with? Makes me nostalgic for this. Anyway, screw 'em...they're ugly. Oh, and their captain, Chris Pronger, is a turd. Stars in seven.